How to write a 90's Bollywood Movie Plot-line in 10 steps

Hi everyone! 

Moving from the previous "fuck this is deep" post, here's a lighter one! 

Recently, I went on a not-too-old bollywood movie run (somewhere between time of 1990 and 2005)

They follow this pattern, you know? It's like they have a guide book for writing a story that's unavailable to public. So I thought to be fair and give everyone the "Key To Success"

After binge watching a bunch of movies repeatedly, here is the "Saphalta ki Chaabi"

How to write a 90's Bollywood Movie Plot-line :

1. Begin with Amitabh Bachchan-like narration : No movie ever begins without a God-like voice narrating the opening scene. Often philosophical quotes, or just random talks about the universe and love.

2. Introduce boy :  To make a Bollywood movie, it is a MUST to have your male lead character’s name start with an ‘R’. 
No R= No star. 
Eg. Rahul, Raj, Rohan, Rohit, etc.
The boy obviously has to be introduced below the age of 16. If not, then childhood recaps are vital.
Boy has to be “Natkhat” and “Sharaati”. He has to be a “Maa ka ladla”
 No questions asked about that.

3. Introduce Girl : Like R for boys, Girls have ‘P’ and ‘S’. 
Eg. Priya/Pooja and Simran/Sanjana.
Girl has to be younger to the boy because Indian mentality.  Ek-do mahino ka difference bhi nahi chalega.
Girl has to be “Susheel” and “gharelu”. Sanskaar has to be an inbuilt feature or the functions of a maid just have to be taught before marriage. She can wear whatever the fuck she wants to before marriage but after marriage – only salwaar kameez and (sexy) saaris (Because Indian Logic)

4. Begin Love Story : 
Boy meets girl 
-> Love at first sight 
-> No balls to admit 
->Boy becomes an ‘Aawara Paagal Deewana’ 
-> Begin surreal desperate attempts to woo the girl into an unofficial relationship. (Following the girl, Sending lousy love letters, Doing fuckall things to get her attention) 
-> Girl (instead of getting a restraining order,) falls for boy
-> Countless scenes showing they love each other (preferably all in lush fields or because ‘kheto mein privacy hoti hai’, or in Switzerland)

5. Introduce Family/Backgrounds: Really simple - Boy’s family doesn’t give a fuck about his love life. Girl’s family stalks her like an ex-girlfriend on facebook.

6. Introduce Problem/Villian : Usually caused by girl’s over-protective family by discriminating and judging, and by the boy’s ‘Idgaf, I can’t deal with your fucked up family’ attitude.
The girl ALWAYS has to go through the “meri shaadi pakki ho gayi hai. Kal mera vivaah ho raha hai” phase. She mandatorily has to be engaged to another guy (decoy boy) in order to get married to the original boy. The decoy boy has to be perfect in every way in the eyes of her parents – basically everything that the original boy can’t be (i.e, rich).
During the shaadi of the decoy boy and girl, just when it is about to be officiated, the original boy has to say some shit to stop the shaadi (“I object” or “Yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti”). 
I mean, they can save themselves all this drama and clear all this shit by just talking it out BEFORE the shaadi, but then you would lose 75% of the script. So this step is very important.

7. Solve Problem : Problem Solving = Change of heart by realizing “woh dono ek dusre se pyaar karte hai”. Original boy stops shaadi, creates unnecessary drama, but finally the girl’s family gives in. People think he has 'won her parents' hearts', but the truth is, they just can’t have the society think that they are judgmental mofos who discriminate and judge.

8. Get married : After decoy boy is kicked out of the picture, and replaced by original boy in the wedding scene, continue with the marriage. Everyone has to look extra happy with this wedding in comparison with the pehla wala even though they hate it. Tears of joy are a must in this scene.

9. Show future of boy and girl : Ideal future scene - Gaadi, Bangla, 2 bachche, ek naukar aur ek kutta. If you’re a little on budget, just show kids playing in a garden and boy and girl standing at a distance looking at them with tears in their eyes. If you're really low on budget, then just show the boy and girl " pretending to make out". They can't kiss because your viewers will either get a heart attack or a boner.

10. Amitabh Bachchan-like narration : “Toh yeh thi kahani ek ladka aur ek ladki ki” (Yeah, no shit, Sherlock). No movie ends without a conclusive narration by the same God-like voice about how boy and girl are living "happily ever after". Every movie ends "happily ever after" because this is not reality.

So there you have it! A 90’s Bollywood movie in 10 easy steps!

Now, go, you puddle full of talent! Go write your own movie *tears of joy*

AND SHARE because hum dono ek dusre se pyaar karte hai<3

Until next time guys,
Kabhi alvidaa naa kehna,

PS. If you guys want me to give you all a list of movies that actually have followed this plot-line, please contact me or just comment. I shall give it to you.